caughtintheXfire
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
 
Some things never change...
I am still being frustrated beyond reason by my ineptitude, here. There is a lady named Margi who has a blog (Check blogroll) and she has the POW-MIA "You are not forgotten" symbol on her page. About a month ago, I asked her if I could put it here. She said "Sure. Just right click it and click on 'Save as' and..." I THOUGHT I saved her email in my 'Saved mail' folder. I was cross-eyed and beat at the time, so I thought I'd do it later. Well, I went there today, right clicked, saved and came back to my saved mail to find that I can't find her Email about what to do next. So, (sigh) it's off to ask Kevin....again... I also cannot find my favorites list and there are a few other things just different enough to be weird. I'll figure it out. I hope. I'm intending my next post to be about things that DO change and not for the better, it seems. Thank God, I already know it's temporary. But, it's still pissin' me off....and proving AGAIN that men are RIGHT not to trust women.
 
Now what?
My favorites list is gone. Strange. It was here an hour ago...sigh. Oh well, time to start a new one I guess.
Monday, July 28, 2003
 
Hey there, Hi there, Ho there
I'm back. Without AOHell. I've done followed Acidman again and switched to Earthlink. I've got a lot of reading and catching up and saying "Hi" I wanna do, so come on back later. In the meantime, maybe I'll see ya somewhere on another blog...No matter what, rest assured-I will be back. Soon.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
 
Now, I'm back to "normal" problems...
Have been for the last coupla days. This computer is old, but it is also free. However, it is also slower than STP oil treatment running uphill in February. Every so often (too often) I have to delete temp files. People have tried to tell me how simple this is supposed to be. Well, it ain't. The only way I know of to actually have any improvment in the speed with which this computer goes from one page to the next, is to go into it and delete the (stupid #@$%&*?!!) temp files one at a GDF time. I've seen the "select all" thing, but I don't know what it has to keep and what is safe to dump. Knowing my luck, if I found a way to do this in less than 4 days, there'd be nothing left in the computer at all, including the entire Internet. So, please, either forgive me for being gone so long, or send me some simple, child-like, easy-for-blondes- instructions on how to get rid of these asshat files and get scan disk and disk defrag to work. Why did they design computers to keep temp files in the first place, if ya don't actually need 'em and all they're good for is plugging up the works? Sigh.....
Monday, July 14, 2003
 
I've got a great problem...for a change...
Yesterday morning, before I posted my "25 ways", I checked out the site meter and saw that I had 74 (or so) visits, so far. I remember thinking that it would be cool if I were to break 100 within 24 hours. I did the post, did my visiting rounds , then went and got a bunch of house stuff done. I came back several hours later, checked site meter and saw that I had knocked the hell out of 100, somehow. I went to the referral page and felt my heart seize when I saw page after page of referrals from Gut Rumbles. My first thought was that my computer finally lost it's mind and was linking to Rob and probably driving him nuts. I went on over there to see what was up. I was a little nervous that there might be a post about this 'tons of links' deal. I started reading and came to the "Lists" post. He said "I kinda like this one.", so I figured it would be good and clicked it. And, wound up back here! Oh. My. God. He linked me! As I sat here letting that sink in, it occured to me that this must mean HE READS THIS. (Gulp!) Wow. The thing that is shocking me the most is the site meter. I checked it a lttle while ago and I can't believe it's over 400. 99.9% from Gut Rumbles, too. Here is where I came up on my uniquely wonderful 'problem'. What can I possibly do to say "Thank you" to Rob for this? Pointing out that he's over on the right, at the top of my blogroll, or linking him is going to be preaching to the choir. The people who have been here in the last 24 hours already know about him. I've said before that I was going to have a baseball hat made with "www.GutRumbles.com" on it. Well, now I am. There's a place in South Jersey called Cowtown. On the flea market days, there is a guy named Jeff there who does that kind of stuff. So, I'm gonna do it. Black mesh hat with red letters. Hey! Maybe I should get two made and send Rob one....hmmm. I like that idea. ;-) By the way, I don't just mean that I want to thank Rob for all the hits. I also want to thank him for giving me a little somethin' to live up to. And for being one of the best examples of balls, brains, courage, humor and grit I've had to follow in way too long a time. He says he saved his own life by starting his blog. Well....I believe that his was not the only one. When I started reading Rob, back in January, I was in the midst of some of the worst depression I've ever dealt with. Gut Rumbles was the first thing I had been actively interested in, in months. I just read for the first few months, then I started to leave a comment or few, here and there. Then, six weeks ago, I started trying to blog at that other site. When I finally realized what that place was really about ($$$), I nearly quit. But, thanks for the most part to the strength I get from watching Rob keep on keepin' on, I kept on, too. Not only have I continued blogging, I care enough about things to be losing weight (9 lbs. so far) and I'm slowly starting to be able to figure some things out. I do have a few tough ones that I will be writing about shortly, but, still-things are definitely better now than they were before I found Rob and blogging. So, Thank You, Rob. Wanna know something? The reason I haven't posted your questions and my answers yet is because I was stuck on trying to explain my answer to the first one. Yes, I do have personal heros. Two of them. Buford Pusser and Rob Smith. Now that I've been able to articulate some of Rob's impact on my life, I can give my reason for my choices of personal heros by simply stating "They both LIVED tall." I respect and admire both of those men. The things that were done to each of them breaks my heart and makes me wish I could change things for them somehow. I've been saying for years that I love Buford Pusser. And I do. Hell, I drove all the way from Jersey to Adamsville, Tn. just to see the Buford Pusser museum, which is in the house he lived in. So, if someday, I slip and say I love Rob, too, please try to understand that it comes from the respect and admiration and from wishing I could keep anything else bad from happening to him. I just love 'im like he's one of the best friends I've had in a while. 'Cuz, he is.
Sunday, July 13, 2003
 
And now for something completely different...
I used to work the night shift all by myself at the largest dairy farm in South Jersey. My hours were anywhere from 5:00/7:30pm til 4:30am/noon, depending on what was happening in the morning. I worked there for 5 years. During that time, I learned a few things. Not the least of which were "25 ways you can tell you've been dairy farming too long". (I came up with these during the course of a shift one night and wrote them down that morning.) 1. Everytime you go to touch your wife's boobs, you expect her to kick at you and shit on the floor. 2. You begin to refer to women as "two-titters". 3. You serve dinner from atop a tractor. 4. You 'sweep' the floors in your house with a power hose. 5. You feed your infant with a calf bottle. 6. You keep trying to check glasses of milk for mastitis. 7. Any time you see a 3 or 4 digit number, you know exactly which cow it is. 8. Your kids use paint sticks instead of crayons in their coloring books. 9. You find yourself using the 3-wheeler to get from the couch to the bathroom. 10. You hear yourself refer to your bedroom as "the breeding pen". 11. Your kitchen becomes known as "the feed lot". 12. When the co-op, vet/Animal Medic and Dairy Service are listed BEFORE 911 on your emergency numbers list. 13. The Animal Medic rep is your family physician. 14. When, if YOU have the runs, you call it "Jhonies"- if your KIDS have them, you call it "scours". 15. You start coming up with interesting crafting ideas involving cow shit. 16. Your kid takes milk weight charts and mastitis samples to school for show-and-tell. 17. Seeing a woman with big hooters makes you think only of potential milk production capabilities. 18. You start referring to your pecker as a "breeding needle". 19. You think the alphabet has only four letters-A, B, C and D. 20. Math involving numbers greater than "4" gives you a headache. 21. You own two pairs of barn boots-'every day' and 'dressup'. 22. You have formal portrait photos/glamour shots taken wearing a semen company baseball cap. (I did this one myself...) 23. You think that "Playboy" is published by a man named Hugh Heifer. 24. You think that Sandra Bullock is a male bovine with a dumb name. And, finally- 25. You refer to your in-laws as "the herd". Obviously, these will make more (twisted) sense to someone with a dairy farming background, but, there are a few that are pretty general. If anybody wants to know what the heck I may be talking about in one of the lines, feel free to ask. And, if anyone would like to know if I'm at all dain bramaged, that would be a "yes". I'll be back... Peace
 
If there is any truth
to the "six degrees of seperation" thing then it stands to reason that somebody who knows somebody who knows somebodywho knows somebody who knows somebody who knows Micky Dolenz might read this....If you do know Micky and you do read this, would you please let him know that I just adore him to pieces? He's ALWAYS been my favorite Monkee, I bought and have read at least 100 times, his book "Monkees, Music and Madness", I have several alternate Yahoo ID's one of which is Mickymonkeegirl63, every time I do karaoke I sing "I'm a Believer" and I bought two actual photos of him from some guy in a parking lot at a Dwight Yoakam concert. I am also one of the few people who actually taped "Head". I just would like for him to know I exist. Thank you... (I feel much better now.)
Saturday, July 12, 2003
 
Just Damn...
Man, my brain feels like an F-150 pulling a Peterbilt's trailer. I've got a ton of shit goin' on in my head that I will be blogging about in a little while. But, before I do, I want to do a few things. I need to send an Email, look into downloading a new browser because the one I've got now makes some blogs comments look all squished up and there's a blog by some chick with an attitude about Acidman that I want to check out. I'm betting it's one of those "gag ya" blogs. Or so friggin' sanctimonious as to be overbearing and downright stupid. What I need to figure out is how to get a father (not mine) to see his child for who he's becoming, not who he was when Dad last lived with him. And, I'm thinking about writing a "letter" to the BC, that I know she'll never see, just to get it said. To someone. Anyone. The "child" I'm talking about is 14 (God, help us, all) and the BC is a 50 year old, hard-hearted Melodrama Mama. And, they're related-which scares the BeJesus out of me because of how much worse the kid could become with her as his only full-time parent. I don't know if the shit he pulled this last (2 w-e-e-k- l-o-o-o-n-g) visit is because of his being 14 or because of his mother's influence. That's where I'm hoping to get some feedback from people who have been thru this shit.... So, let me go get this other stuff done...I'll be back as soon as I get done blowing up my computer (somehow) by (innocently) downloading a new browser. Peace...
Friday, July 11, 2003
 
HOT DAMN!!!!!
Kevin over at Whizbang is the coolest, smartest and just the best-est person!!!! Not only did he tell me what was wrong with my comments AND how to fix it, he also left me a comment before I actually fixed it. Sooo awesome!!! (Part of me wants to know how he did that. The rest of me knows better than to try to get that deep into html... Yet.) Thank you so very much, Kevin!!! You're the best, Dude!!!
 
Here we go again, again...
with the comments, that is. Of the two parts, the one I thought I had right...was wrong. I'm not at all surprised about that. I AM surprised, however, that I didn't have them both in the wrong places.... Somebody needs to click the "Post & Publish" button for me...I've got sooo many fingers and other body parts crossed here, I can't reach the mouse!
Thursday, July 10, 2003
 
Here we go, again....
Well, the BC has done it again. She told Eric, Jr. a couple of months back, that he had until August to decide who he wants to live with-her or his Dad. Nothing else has been said for a while, so we decided to see what her thoughts are these days. Eric, Jr. called her and she has changed everything. She started out saying she was going to let him decide. Now, she's saying things like "I'm not going to make it easy for you. Your Dad is going to have to file court papers and you'll have to tell the Judge you want to live with your Dad. I'm not paying child-support. I'm not giving him one dime." Blah, blah, blah. This she is saying to a 14 year old. This is nothing, though-for her. He sees how she is now. No question. He (Eric, Jr.) understands now that she could not possibly care less about him or how he feels. That all she sees him as is a meal ticket/pawn to use against his father. She wants to lure big Eric back to Jersey so she can get him locked up for arrears. It's not for child support, though. It's the spousal support that we can't afford. Frankly, after the shit E.Jr and his little buddy pulled this past week, I have to admit, while I do still want E. Jr. to live here, it's okay if it doesn't happen in the next two seconds. This recent bullshit has got me a little worried about what it would be like full time and I don't think we did such a great job of handling this shit at the beginning. Plus, to be BLUNTLY honest, I'm not close to ready to giving up all my 'alone-time' with big E for the rest of my life. Or, at all. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get it back again, to begin with. I'm not saying that I want George to move, I just wish I could live alone with big E on top of a mountain somewhere. Forever. Alone.. Ya know? The next best thing would be if someone (not sayin' WHO) would have the courtesy to just die. This person does not possess the capacity to ever change and this person is a miserable wretch and I believe this person would be a much happier person dead. At peace, finally, anyway. Much like the rest of us would be. And, NO, I do not have any personal wish, vendetta or plans to hasten this along. I just wish it would happen, all by itself, already. I did before. I figured it would be worth life in prison to know the world was rid of that evil...but, I really don't care about it enough anymore to carry that shit around with me 24/7. Besides, there really isn't anything on this planet or not, that's worth being away from big E like that. Besides, what kinda person would that make me? Wishing it's head would burst into spontaneous flame makes me a human person. Acting on it would make me a horrible person-like they are. So, no thanks. Not worth it. Besides, if we just maintain and keep controlled, we'll make out in the end. In that, I have faith. Because, I know that as long as Eric and I have each other, everything else "ain't nuthin' but a thing, man...." like they say in those Nam movies when something shitty happens. Little E understands that even if we can't get him here until he's 18, it's not because that the way we, or he, wants it. It's the way she's gonna make it be. So, since he gets that, who do ya think is gonna end up losing in the long run? And, honestly, even if the rest of the world ceased to exist, Eric and I will still have each other, so we'll be just fine. Besides, this is all God's doing and His plan. Do ya think He gives a crap if we don't like it right now? Noooo. He'll do it His way in His time. (Just to clear this up-Yes, I do believe in God. I also believe organized religion is a crock of shit and I do not belong to any church or anything. I believe in Him, have a cool relationship with Him, and I do tell people when it comes up. And, I'm of the opinion that Jesus was/is gorgeous, just like quite a number of rock stars from the '70's...) Anyway.... I had an epiphany the other day. Eric, my Eric, is NOT a genius. (Pauses to wait for the laughter to die down...) I'm serious. I've been looking at him through some screwed up excuse for eyes lately and I do know why. And, I've cut it out. The reason I was doing that boils down to misconceptions on my part. Assumptions. And, honorable intent. Eric is a Nuclear Valve Tech by trade. He can fix more kinds of valves than I can remember the names of. There is this book that goes with his job. It's some kind of shop manual. I think it has specs in it or something. I looked at it one time, saw it had math with LETTERS in it and said "Forgit it..." He picks it up and reads it as easily as I would Dr. Seuss. So, I figure he's GOT to be pushing 120-125 (at least) on the old I.Q. scale and Wow! I put that together in my mind with the guy (dope) who can ride bull after bull, get knocked out, quit breathing, bleed from more places than I thought possible and add the fact that he withstood a BARGE LOAD of shit for a very long time and I'm now looking at a man who really is (should be) 10' tall and bulletproof. Able to control meetings with the much older, slightly manipulative Boss with a single thought...able to run the whole operation 24/7 without breaking a sweat....the ultimate Man's man/Ladies man. My own personal John Wayne/Alan Alda combo. And, it used to piss me to no end when he "let" things happen otherwise. I thought he was letting Bill get between us in every way he could. I thought he was purposely acting helpless when he didn't want to do things and didn't want to say so. (Well, he DOES do that a little, but no where near like I thought he was...) I thoght all kindsa stupid shit all because I jumped to a coupla conclusions a long time ago. I've spent untold hours trying to get him to be more of that guy I thought he was. He thought I was trying to change him. Sigh. He was beginning to resent it and so was I. I couldn't understand why, if he had it in him, he didn't use it. All of a sudden, a few days ago, it hit me. Oooohhhh. Okay. I get it. It's not that he's a complete retard, he's just not the Jeopardy material I thought he was. I can soooo handle that. Much better than when I thought he was being goofy on purpose. Goofy isn't exactly the right word, but I've been awake for over 24 hours and I can't think of the right one...I feel like I've got a whole new guy I that I've been in love with forever, if that makes any sense whatsoever. So, right when the house is the most full of people it can get, I discover the real Eric all over again and now I just want to be alone with him and hang out and talk and shit. That's not ALL I want to do, but that's been quashed for now, too. Stupid reproductive horseshit! I ain't never even been pregnant in my whole life. I'm freakin' 40! now, so why do I still have to put up with this particular stupid thing? It is so cramping my style-pun definitely intended. I swear to God, finally seeing the light about this has changed me. Everything is still the same-as in life marches on (up your back)-but, everything is different now. Better. Less pressure. Less anger. Less distance. More 'flowing love' feelings. We can see it in each other's eyes. What a relief. How cool. Thank God. Ya know? Life still isn't perfect-how boring would THAT be- but, we just about are. Just like we were in the beginning. All over again. And, I'll tell ya the truth-always-out of all the stuff that's been driving me bugfuck lately, I wouldn'ta picked a single different thing to have gotten straightened out. If I only get one thing in my life that's ever gonna be right, I'm grateful to God Himself that this is it. Okay...I'm gonna go try to stand erect now. I'll be back...still gotta get those damnable comments working. Til then-srv200163 at yahoo dot com Peace to ya....
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
 
I know. I forgot the "n". Sorry.

 
It just occured to me...
when I "viewed my blog in a new window" and saw that the links didn't happen, that all the people I mention are right over there----->. Duuuhhh... I'm gonna go wading in the stream for a while. See ya. srv200163 at yahoo dot com (See? Commets-of a sort.)
 
I'm back....
Of course, I'm back. I had a Jerry Lee Lewis moment. Or two. That man's got NUTTIN on me when it comes to sending a chair flying backwards with your legs, let me tell ya. I'm just glad I haven't (YET) put my fist right through the gdf moniter. I can picture it..... I had to come back here and it's not because of those fucktard comments. Screw that, FOR NOW. The reason(s) I had to come back are: Rob- -he's having his surgery today and I want to be around for his first post....Jett, whose weblog address I've seen so many times, but I'm not sure of (I'll add the link as soon as I get done here and go look at it again-I know that it has 'decablog' and her name in it, tho...)-I want to know that she's okay with the school stuff and Aunt stuff that's been going on. I like her. I find myself wondering how she's doing different times during the day...I love going to read Social Reject-another address I need to see again-link will be added.) Then, there's John at (HA! Another address I actually remember!) , who usually makes drinking coffee while reading him a dangerous thing to do and a few other places in my blogroll I like to stop by. Then, I've got this "totally-new-to-me" type parenting shit to figure out AS IT HAPPENS, no less. Talk about on-the-job-training. Then, there's my unique horseshit about feeling replaced by the soon-to-be-ex. He and Eric spend more time together watching WRESTLING while I sit here and go slowly insane tying to install fuckin' COMMENTS, than Eric and I have in ages. I'm starting to think that the fact that I can not get comments to work, is God's way of telling me to go reclaim my fiance AND the fuckin' remote. Then, there's "my little friend" as I refer to my monthly possession by Satan. If ya know what I mean....you know...first there's the PMS part (by the way, PMS stands for Putting up with Moronic Shit), then there's that next phase. Well, I hate it these days. It used to be three days. Coming, here and gone. I used to laugh at those T-shirts men wear that say "Don't trust anything that bleeds for more than five days and doesn't die." I always said "Mine's only three days. Further proof that, unlike a lotta women, you CAN trust me." But, the INSTANT I turn forty, it seems, everything changes. Even the PMS part has changed. Eric says he knows it's here when I start wanting to punch Bill every few hours. Then IT comes and as it's leaving, I get all affectionate and nice again. Well, this time, instead of wanting to kill Bill, I want to beat the ever-livin' DOG SNOT out of this computer and I've been crying over the STUPID-est shit for the last week. And, the "next phase"? Well, that's been doing this "I'm here. No, I ain't. I'm back. No, not yet. Okay, NOW I'm here..." shit for the last coupla months SINCE I TURNED FORTY. What the hell is UP with this shit? Eric thinks it MENOPAUSE, fer Pete's sake. If it is, I want to do it the patented Archie Bunker way: "If you're gonna change, CHANGE!!! And, I'm gonna give ya just thirty seconds to get it done!" I agree completely with that approach. I mean, my Gawd. All I wanna do, is get comments installed. You'd think it would take pity on me and just WORK, ya know? Seeing how no teenager on the planet isn't going to drive at least 87 people insane in the process of growing up and nobody is gonna voluntarily give back my chair, boyfriend and remote, this damn computer isn't gonna heal itself, my period won't just dry the fuck up already...I wish something would give...or stop. Besides my mind. So, yeah. I'm back. And, one way or the fuckin' other, I WILL HAVE COMMENTS.
 
Fuck this shit completely and forever
Goodbye and comments can KISS MY ASS!!!!!
 
And again...I'm about a quarter of an inch away from saying "Fuck this shit completely and forever...."
 
Trying again....
Tuesday, July 08, 2003
 
Still working on it...
I'm still here. And, I'm STILL trying to get the comments going. I'm going to get in touch with Bill at B.I. and the Klink family. One way or the other, I will get this done. In the meantime, I'm also trying to deal with two teenage boys who think stealing peoples (packs of) cigarettes and lying about it are a good idea....sigh. One of them also thinks "I dunno..." is a good answer for how his head happened to get SHAVED BALD. Do I look like I need any crap from the comments html? If I do, let me know and I'll CHANGE MY EXPRESSION! Comments? JUST DAMN. (Love ya, Dax!)
Monday, July 07, 2003
 
Hey John!!!
help
 
Fun-ny...
So close! Got a display under the comments-just not the right thing. Here we go again. damndamndamndamn
 
pleasepleaseplease...
Let the comments html WORK!!!
Sunday, July 06, 2003
 
Still tweakin'....
I think I reset the time and I'm still working on comments. I'll be in the template screwin' around for a wahile...so, email me or send a smoke signal or something...
 
Stick a fork in me
All right...I got the site meter, the 'blogroll me' thing, my blogroll x3 and I'm trying to get comments. But, I'm exhausted. I've gotta go do something else for a while. I'll be back....
 
One more time...
Anna one, anna two, annaway we goo...
 
I'm getting BORED with this...
If this doesn't work soon, I'm emailing John again!
 
Now What?
Have I done?
 
Blogroll?
Yet?
 
If I'm lucky....
Blogroll will be here. And, I've got site meter 3 times! I just love to edit html...Well, let's see what I've done now.
 
THINK I've got the site meter.....
We'll see. You have to re-publish to see changes. Blogroll is being a pain in my ass. So much so, in fact, I had to turn the Bee Gees on. We'll get it.
 
Hi....I'm not sure WHAT the hell I did here. The is the second crossfire blog. This is the one I'm sticking with. Trying to get site meter, comments, blogroll and all that fun stuff. I'll be back.

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